Top Secret #1: Writing is essential

This week I’ll be leading the very first meeting of The Top Secret Writing Club, an after school enrichment program for grades 4 through 8.

I try to learn from everything, which is actually not as great as it sounds, because sometimes you end up looking for meaning where there is none. But I know I’m going to get a lot out of this club as I’ve already gotten a lot out of it before it’s even met.

Writing is everywhere

One of the things I want to emphasis with the kids is how important writing is and how it is everywhere. Most of them probably only consider writing to be the books they have to read for class. How many of them realize that the movies, TV shows, and video games they consume are all written by people?

What I found interesting was that when I tried to search for a list of all the various different types of writing, I couldn’t find one! What I got was listed that included things like expository, descriptive, narrative, and persuasive.

Any search I did along those lines kept returning results that were academic and formal.

It’s no wonder kids thinking writing is boring and hard. The way that it’s framed, it is!

It’s not like they get to a point where someone says “hey, you know all those crazy worlds in Super Mario Bros? A writer helped come up with those! And that awesome Pixar movie you love? That was a writer, too!”

I understand that kids have to learn the basics of writing to so that they can communicate. I get that. But that’s generally as far as it goes unless there’s some spark in that kid that motivates them to go further.

Writing isn’t easy. But it doesn’t have to be so hard. And it can be fun!

Common Core

I’ve been helping our older son with his homework for a few years now; most of it is math, which is understandable. I don’t have a problem with that. It’s often nearly as hard for me as it is for him because it’s Common Core, which is a different way of teaching and learning math than existed when I was a kid.

I’d heard a lot of horror stories about Common Core. Most adults seem to think it’s unnecessarily complex and far worse than what we did.

It’s not. It’s much, much better.

As my son’s teacher pointed out, the kids are now learning the “why” of things. We just memorized numbers and regurgitated answers. Common Core shows them how the sausage is made. It sets them up to more easily handle advanced math down the line.

It’s great. And since these kids are learning it this way from the start, it makes sense to them.

There’s no version of Common Core for writing, though.

I don’t expect a small writing club to change that, but maybe it can help. Maybe I can show these kids that writing is everywhere, writing is important, writing can be anything.

I think right now it’s only one thing and I think that one thing is often not very fun.

Go Forth and Monetize

I think most writers have imposter syndrome.

It’s been made worse, for me, with my ADHD, anxiety, and depression, although those last two seem to go along with writing. But it’s hard to feel comfortable just saying “I’m a writer” if you’re using some imaginary watermark to determine if that’s true.

Do I write? Well, yeah, I’m writing this right now. So by the most inclusive definition, I am a writer.

Oh, but you need to have been published, says my stupid brain. Wait — I have been.

Sure, some small publisher, says my stupid brain. But you need to have been published more than once. Wait — I have! More than twice, even! And they were all different publishers!

Yes, BUT, says my stupid brain, you don’t make a living by being a writer.

Well, yes, stupid brain, you have me there. But very, very few people can make that claim, at least as far as making money through traditional publishing. But there are people who have done well enough through freelance writing for every web site imaginable.

Yes, says my stupid brain, they have to hustle and you don’t do that.

The Hustle

I am ill equipped to hustle.

I have a problem with even doing the most basic self-promotion. See: the above on imposter syndrome.

And trying to go from self-promotion to making a sale of some kind? I could never imagine.

This is coming from a person who regularly spends money on really stupid things, yet I couldn’t imagine anyone spending money on anything I do — and my stuff isn’t stupid. I at least have enough self-respect to say that.

I’ve also had a real issue with asking for people to pay for something that I think is important, as if attaching a price to it makes it seem like that’s all it is: a way to make some money. Isn’t that gatekeeping? Aren’t I denying access to some because I’m asking them to pay?

And then how do you even decide how much to charge? What is reasonable, what will keep people away for financial reasons, and what will keep people away for perception reasons?

My Failed Attempt at a Soda Stand Empire

When I was in middle school, I started a soda stand on the street in my neighborhood.

I say “soda stand,” but this was Ohio, so it was probably a sign that said “Ice Cold Pop” followed by a price. My mom fronted me the money for the cups, the soda, and some ice.

I lived in a new, upper middle class neighborhood that regularly had multiple open houses each weekend, so I figured one particularly hot summer day would be a golden opportunity to make my millions.

I remember a friend’s dad who taught science at the high school asking for no ice, apparently to show that he was wise to the ways of soda sales. The ice, as you might guess, meant that a can of, say, Coke, could “fill” multiple cups.

I had two friends help me with the stand, although that’s probably overstating it. They were friends who wanted to hang out and in turn ended up helping me. I never asked them to help, it just kind of happened. They didn’t think any thing of it. Of course they’d help if they were there.

When it was all said and done, I think I made a couple of bucks, and that included money I got from recycling the cans.

Part of the reason I made so little is because I paid my two friends. They didn’t ask me to, but I did it anyway, because they’d hung out with me all day and probably even made a few sales. But in my ‘tween brain, they deserved some money as much as I did.

My parents thought I was making a mistake, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

That was the first and last soda stand I ever had.

Value

How do you place value on a story? Or teaching kids how to write? Or getting someone to think or feel?

How do you place value on your creations, on your actions, when you’ve never placed value on yourself?

I suppose that’s what it has always boiled down to — self-worth.

Maybe it’s my executive functioning therapist, maybe it’s my new medication, maybe it’s the simple fact that I’m no longer a part of the corporate rat race, but recently I realized that asking people to pay for what I have to offer isn’t a bad thing and it’s not entirely ridiculous.

If you’ve been to this site before, you’ll notice some changes. I have paid content now. I have a store. You can even sign up for my Top Secret Writing Club. Heck, I even have a banner so you can pay for the site.

I’m doing all these self-promotional things, all these things to drive monetization, that I honestly should have started doing 15 years ago. But I was never in a place where I could.

There’s still plenty of free stuff on this site. There always will be.

But I’ve realized that making money from your work doesn’t have to be a problem and it doesn’t have to impugn the reputation of said work.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do what you love and still take care of those you love, says my stupid brain.

You know, you might not be so stupid after all.

I don’t have strong enough words for this

Our friends’ 11 year old son passed away this morning. He had been fighting cancer for a long time. He and his family had been fighting so hard for so long that the fact that this is how that story ended fills me with unbearable rage.

We weren’t close to his family and most of our interactions happened via social media. They live in Los Angeles, which we left nine years ago.

But they are wonderful.

I know that people, conscious or not, put their best foot forward online, but they were genuine. They were one of the families that I looked to as inspiration. And the fight and resilience they have shown during this has only made me look up to them all the more.

I think I formed a connection with them because of how inspiring they are. And that got stronger after our children were born.

Their son had been moved to hospice a little while ago and after I read that I spent the night getting completely hammered and staying up too late. I laid in bed and all I could think about was him, an 11 year old kid that I have never met, whose parents I didn’t really know.

I think about what his moms are going through and it destroys me.

Then I think about his little sister and that’s it. There’s nothing left.

The idea that any adult would have the capacity to deal with something like this is absurd, but we put one foot in front of the other and we find reasons to keep going. But how does a child get through something like this?

I’m so angry and I’m so sad and I am, at best, tangentially connected.

My wife works at Pixar and we sent him a bunch of Pixar stuff. His mom sent us wrist bands they’d made and we all put them on and took a picture and sent it to her. Our older son asked me about it and I explained to him what it meant. He said he hoped that the other boy got better.

Today my wife and I tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy for our kids. The cracks showed a few times, though. And I know that our older son, at least, noticed. But I couldn’t explain it to him.

I don’t know.

Hug your children. Hug your partner. Think of this family in Southern California. Carry love and share it with everyone you can.

This world is wrong, but it’s the only one we have.

I had a really great conversation about Jesus

I suppose it’s rare in this day and age to have enlightening, intellectually stimulating conversations with people who hold different beliefs than you. But it happened. And it has stuck with me.

The person I was talking to is a Christian, a liberal Christian, who was raised in the faith and who has built her life around it. She is the real deal. She was talking to me about how she got through some hard times in her life.

She mentioned that, for her, Jesus is the embodiment of God’s love, and since fear is the opposite of love, living in fear means moving away from God. Since she wanted to live with God, she regularly chooses to reject fear and embrace love.

Her roommate in college was a religious studies major and she kind of implied something even more interesting: that Jesus was the idea of love, a concept given physical form.

This fascinates me.

I’m not Christian and, for the record, I don’t think Jesus ever existed. The few documents that would “verify” such a thing were very clearly written well after Christianity was established, inserted into older texts in an effort to legitimize what the Roman government was trying to install.

But what if that didn’t matter?

Let’s consider Jesus as the idea of love, an idea that is often too abstract for people to grasp, so someone, somewhere, decided to create an embodiment of love, a person for those who have trouble with the idea of love. He’s an avatar. He’s only real in the sense that some people need him to be real to translate a language that is normally foreign to them — that language being love.

Love isn’t exactly an easy concept to accept or even understand, particularly these days. It’s not a priority, not for the majority of us. I can’t imagine it’s ever been, given that humans have been fighting for centuries just to survive. What good is love when you’re struggling to get by? Can you eat it? Can it buy you a warm bed? Will it protect you from bullets?

Hell, I have lived an incredibly privileged life and for most of that love was for hippies and people who didn’t know any better. The idea of love as a powerful force in the universe that could alter our entire reality? Smoke another bowl, hippie.

But it’s true. I realize that love still doesn’t help people who are hungry or homeless or bombarded by bombs. But it would if it convinced others to love. Love would help them if the rest of society took care of each other, if we stopped making war and started building a world. And that’s the thing with love; its impact isn’t always direct, so it’s often easy to dismiss.

Love is an abstract concept, yet we all have an idea of what it is. It is often not the same idea and that can be a problem.

And so we have Jesus, ostensibly created not just to give people a manifestation of love that they can believe in, but to also create a universal definition for love.

I think that’s great.

I have no problems with people choosing to believe in something that I don’t. I am the last person who will ever question belief, who will ever condemn faith. My entire life has revolved around having blind faith in myself, even when I shouldn’t.

I have my concerns about the foundations of Christianity and I have many, many issues with how it currently operates, but I am all for a central concept of love that is actually love. I’m all for people being able to embrace that even if it requires a magical being.

I just wish that concept of universal love was actually universal.

I Hate Short Stories (or Do I Love Them)

I was looking at my laptop, browsing books, ready to order something. Our older son asked me what I was doing. I told him I was going to order a book that would hopefully arrive in a few days.

“But you don’t read books,” he said.

I managed to hold back my tears.

Our kids see me reading all the time, they just don’t know that’s what I’m doing because I’m doing it on a tablet, which they equate with games.

Given that I am, you know, a writer, I figured I should start reading some physical books ASAP. Like any good reader, I have overflowing bookshelves filled with books that I have never opened. I could read actual, physical books for the next few years with just the ones I already own.

One of the books waiting for me is short story collection.  Since I do, in theory, write short stories and I did, in practice, go to graduate school to learn how to write them, I try to read as many as I can.  I subscribe to a few literary journals (chock full o’ short stories) and I buy various collections like this one.

But something about it is holding me back. Something about short stories is rubbing me the wrong way.

What’s the deal with short stories, anyway?

Short stories are perhaps the most pretentious of literary formats.  There is a very specific window for a good short story, a very specific line that has to be walked, which makes a good short story extremely hard to write.  What’s worse is that everyone writing short stories knows this, and the simple fact that they do makes it all the more pretentious, as if there’s a secret decoder ring for short stories that not everyone gets in their Cracker Jack box.

The problem is that short stories can easily go one way or the other: too much or not enough.  Too much and it destroys the beauty of the format.  And, unlike poetry which is smart enough to engage the audience to the point where they are filling in any blanks, short stories that are too vague fail at what they’re doing.  Poetry, at least, has a certain clarity to its vagueness.  Short stories do not.

There’s a code, some kind of combination of chromosomes that make up a good short story. It’s a balance, 3 people on a life raft made for 2.  One bad sentence can sink a short story.

Short stories exist in their own, self-perpetuating reality.  The majority of people reading short stories are people who write short stories.  The majority of people who edit literary magazines are also people who write short stories.  The people teaching short stories are, yet again, the people who are writing short stories.  It seems like the only people who really care about short stories are the ones who write them. Imagine if they stopped.

Why are short stories problematic?  They’re supposed to be easier to write than, say, a novel, right?  They are shorter after all.  But that’s the problem.  Because they’re shorter, every single word matters.  Think about that.  This is a format that is taunting a group of people who are already, by and large, neurotic to write something in which every single word can be scrutinized over and over again.  Short stories are the finger print on a glass sliding door.  They’re the tall book in a row of short books on your book shelf.  They are an endless well of doubt and revision.

Why does anyone do this to themselves, particularly if the audience is so insulated?  Is it the challenge?  Is it the fact that so many writers take classes on writing at some point, and those classes place emphasis on the short story?  Because we are trained that we only have a few months to complete a story?  Because books are for the masses, the plebes, and literary journals filled with short stories are for the chosen few?

Or maybe all of these questions is what makes them cool and writing them — writing them well — makes you nearly as cool.

Short stories aren’t singles

Why DO people choose much, much longer books over short stories?  Record companies are able to make money producing nothing but compilations.  Why doesn’t this theory also apply towards short story anthologies?

The simplest answer I can give is this: stopping.  It would seem odd that someone would be more likely to commit to a three hundred page novel than a fifteen page short story.  But that’s the case.  It’s the case because the reader wants to be in control, at least to a certain extent.  And with a novel, you can pick and choose where you stop and where you start.  Yes, there are those who prefer to stop at chapter breaks, but there’s no sense of urgency to get to that chapter break, there’s no feeling that you’ll lose something if you don’t get that far.  A novel is so long that you aren’t going to read it in one sitting, so you don’t worry about whether or not reading it in multiple sittings will ruin the experience.

The same cannot be said for short stories.  A short story demands it be read in one sitting.  For that matter, it demands you pay close attention to it.  A short story is difficult reading.  Sure, it can be extremely rewarding reading for that very fact, but it still requires effort, it requires flexing brain muscles that most people aren’t interested in flexing while they read.  Reading short stories is work.

Perhaps that’s the main problem: short stories have been examined and scrutinized to the point that they no longer contain the simple joys of reading, the simple joys of writing.  You can examine a novel to death, too, but ultimately it’s so large and wide reaching that people are going to take from it what they want.  For that matter, the market for novels is much larger.  A book about wizards and a book about spies and a book about war and a book about politics can all co-exist, can all find space on a bookshelf at a store, while short stories seem so limited, or, at the very least, segregated by genre.

Hyperbole aside, I do like writing short stories, at least initially.  The constant examination that comes after the first few drafts, however, tends to suck all the joy away.

But I recently submitted a short story to a contest that is, in my not remotely objective opinion, the best short story I’ve ever written (a claim supported at least somewhat by my wife, who is actually a harsh critic).  The high I felt after “finishing” it was incredible, and I guess it’s the reason why lunatics continue to write in this masochistic format.  Because reading it and writing short stories isn’t for everyone, and doing either makes us feel special.

We’re also pretentious and crazy, but the short stories didn’t do that on their own.